The other day I was struggling with feeling as though someone wasn't offering me the space to be accepted. Through that, I realized it's not up to that person to offer me that space, but for me to find it through the compassion and love I have for them. As I was seeking for the words to describe how this persons actions affected me, the words that came out on paper looked foreign. The emotions were real behind what I was saying but I couldn't accept what I was saying or thinking as finality. I pushed myself beyond the infliction and realized it was up to me to offer up something positive. From that came the words that are quoted above. My inner sense was to hope that I would never offer up insensitivity's to another based on who they are. One's circumstances can be so dire that what we see isn't always the whole picture. People are so quick to judge that they forget that what they are being presented with is most likely a facade to protect the vulnerable and sensitive sides; the parts that are so raw and beaten down by lack of love and compassion from our neighbors and families.......there is no trust in one another anymore......and that persons reactions to me wasn't necessarily a reflection of their true self, but their guarded or defensive self.
So, my trust in that person was not there.......I was feeling assaulted and backed into a corner.......I successfully maneuvered through the labyrinth that was that tumultuous conversation and managed, but only after I wrote my quoted words, to find my dignity in tact. Because I trusted.......I trusted in me and the power that I have to make a difference in my own sacred space to be able to flip the interaction to turn into something positive. I didn't allow that person to create a hole in my psyche, at least not nearly as big as I was expecting. Instead, I offered myself to this person knowing that it was up to me to bring the divine energy that lies within us all to the forefront. To make being in community the most important thing, not the fact that there were judgements made based on "things that truly don't matter".
Allowing myself the time to reflect, to share my hurt sides with close friends and family, and to allow myself a moment to lick my wounds, brought about a little clarity. I knew how I was feeling and why but sometimes it helps to move it along a little faster when you say it out loud to trusted individuals. There's that word again......trust.
Merriam Webster states that Trust means: assured reliance of the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something; one in which confidence is placed.
How does one trust another in a world that is torn by violence, greed, and dishonesty? Well, that is a heady question for someone like me, but, I battle with that everyday and the only thing that quiets the beast in my head are two words.......hope and faith! Wasn't that a TV show once upon a time!!?!?
I have hope that my future will be brighter based on my actions and those around me that love me. I have hope in my heart that allows me to believe that life isn't about suffering; that our lives are based on the choices that we've made and when times are tough it's up to us to realize we absolutely have the power to change things or at the very least.....as for help.
I have faith in my family and friends to show up when I need them, or even when I don't. I have faith in my belief in a higher power that will help guide me and present me with the lessons I need to learn in order to continue on my path to enlightenment. I have faith in me to find it in my heart of hearts to "be the change I wish to see in the world".
My life lesson learned is that it's more important to treat people with love and compassion and understanding than to poison them and yourself with doubt, distrust, and resentments. The lesson that comes for me is that even though people are hard to deal with doesn't mean they are any less deserving of love and compassion. This isn't exactly the easiest thing to do, but, nonetheless.......it's something I most certainly strive for.
I trust that you will have a wonderful day and that the love and compassion that lives within you will be brought about it the most wonderful ways!
